The Birds and the Bees and Butt Plugs
by Bobite
Summary: A curious Teddy discovers something about his parents he never wanted to know. "You said this was a closet..."


A short little story that came to mind. How would a Teddy react upon learning what his parents did?

Teddy's P.O.V.

A closet. That's what they told me the room was that was next to theirs. For storage. It was always locked, and I didn't need to go in there. And that's what I believed for the fifteen years that I have lived here. I never thought to really question it.

As I waked down the hallway to my room though I noticed that the door was left ajar, and my curiosity spiked. I stood in front of it for a moment. To look, or not to look? Wait a minute, why am I even asking myself that? Of course I'm going to look! Pushing the door open and flicking the light on, my jaw hit the floor. I was expecting it to be some boring room for storage. Not… this.

It was like I traveled back in time to the Spanish inquisition. Whips and riding crops hanging off the walls, and in a corner a big wooden X stands, shackles connected to the top and bottom of it. Actually the shackles seem to be a big thing in this room, because a pair of them hang from the ceiling, and are connected to the four corners of a large bed that takes up the middle of the room. Unable to stop myself I walk into the room to look around.

A seeming innocent couch sits against the far wall, looking completely out of place in here among all this. Next to it is an old looking chest with a few items on top of it. I walk over to it and take a look at the items. Strange and odd looking would be one way to explain it, and I can't help but wonder what the heck they are for. I pick up one examining it. It's almost alien looking, larger at one end and smaller at the other, the larger end having a long string attached to it.

"What are you doing in here?"

Jumping and nearly dropping the item I spin around, and standing in the doorway is my dad. He's scowling at me. His grey eyes making me fidget at having gotten caught being in here.

"I'll ask again, what are you doing in here Teddy?"

Glancing down at the object in my hand I look back up at him. Now or never I guess. "You said this was a closet, not… the Spanish inquisition Dad. What the hell is all this stuff?"

It's not very often that I see my father get nervous. He blanches and begins to run his hands through his hair. His eyes dart around the room, looking at all the items that are here as he thinks. Then slowly a crooked grin spreads across his face as he looks back at me. "Well son, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"

"You're going to tell me about the birds and the bees to explain this?" I ask him in disbelief as I wave a hand about motioning to the room. He can't be serious, that wouldn't explain this at all!

He holds up a hand. "Let me finish. When a man and a woman love each other very much, they sometimes like to express that love in different ways. Like tying them to bed post or bending them over the edge of a couch and spanking them or putting butt plugs into them and teasing them with vibrators."

I stare at my dad, my eyes wide and mouth open at his admission. He has to be joking right? God please tell me he's joking. "You… what…" I shake my head trying to clear it. Then holding up the item in my hand I give him a questioning look. "What is this?"

He leans against the door frame running his hand through his hair again though he looks amused as he watches me, "That would be a butt plug son."

My eyes widen as I stare at him, and I drop the butt plug back onto the chest. "Eww!" I exclaim as I begin wiping my hands on my pants and make a bee line out of the room. My face flushed with my embarrassment, and my dad bent over with laughter at my expense.

Outside in the hallway I lean against the wall feeling like I might hurl at the information I just learned. My dad comes out of the room and locks the door, his face split with a crooked grin and his eyes dancing. At that moment is when my mom decides to walk out of their bedroom. Her hair still wet from a shower. She looks back and forth between me and my dad, her eyebrow raising up curiously. Oh god.

"Something going on here?" she ask.

Before my dad can answer I do. My voice raised and cracking, "Nope! Nothing at all! I have to go… do something now, bye!" I exclaim before taking off down the hall running. Turning the corner and dashing down the corridor it's a few moments before I can hear the sound of their laughter bouncing off the walls.

Sometimes, I hate my parents.


End file.
